grim reaper // 02.16.2019
9:15 pm
i am walking home from my psychology class.
bright blinking lights.
i move to the side to let the car pass.
portland state campus police
i take my hands outside of my pockets,
and i begin to feel the ice cold air forming little cuts and cracks on my knuckles,
but i refuse to put my hands back inside of my pockets.
i remove my hood.
it is 40 degrees outside but i embrace the wind whipping at my face,
just so i can seem less suspicious.
“well, even if you feel unsafe walking home at night, you can always call campus police to walk you home. “
she doesn’t get it.
i can’t trust a police officer.
not even the ones who are solely there to protect me.
especially if i know they’re armed.
i flinch every time i see a cop car
because for anyone with brown skin,
that’s like seeing the grim reaper.
i flinch every time i see a cop car
because i think this day could be my last,
if they see me clutching my mace just a little too tight.
even if i am only clutching it because as a woman i don’t even feel safe walking home at night
without being on the phone with somebody.
i flinch every time i see a cop car
because i know that i would be dead in seconds if i were to walk just a little too fast
if i were to have a broken taillight
if i were to be sleeping in the parking lot of a drive-through
if i were to be standing in my backyard holding my cell phone.
if i were to have called the cops to come save and protect me from my domestically abusive partner.
i flinch every time i see a cop car
because society has taught me
that the people who are supposed to protect you
are the ones you can trust the least.
i flinch every time i see a cop car
because for anyone with brown skin,
that’s like seeing your casket wide open.
Kiara Nguyen is a sophomore at the University of Southern California. She is originally from Los Angeles, CA and is pursuing a degree in Psychology and Non-Governmental Organizations. She started writing poetry in 2013 and currently runs a small blog-type website specifically for young and/or emerging artists of color called Artistas de Color Unidos.
You can follow Artistas de Color Unidos on Instagram here.