One Last Drink
It is night at a small pub, with a just a few people sitting at a table talking quietly. Enter FRANCISCO, already drunk, with his hat in his hand.
FRANCISCO
(Singing.)
Ole snake came creeping up to Eve/ And spoke as nectar in a sieve/ While Adam went naming life,/ And when he returned he found/ ole Snake wrapped around his wife…
(Stops singing and sits at the bar. A beat as he searches for the barkeep.)
Oy, Barkeep! Where in God’s kingdom is the bloody Barkeep?
(Waves his hat over his head to get someone’s attention.)
Enter BARKEEP from the back room. He is polishing a glass.
BARKEEP
Oy, who’s makin’ such a racket’n m’pub?
(Walks up to the counter.)
FRANCISCO
(Places hat on the counter.)
Ah good sir, in faith you come to my aid. I recently stumbled upon my wife growing passionately mad; and though it pained me to do so, I had to
(Gestures slapping her, hard.)
Correct her.
(Laughs suddenly and hysterically.)
Hence I need one of your tried and true remedies. A Bourbon Hot Toddy, if you have mercy; and on the double, I must go call on my dearest friend Miguel and show him my new firearm. Here, I’ll pay up front.
(Reaches into his coat pocket then sets his money on the counter.)
There my good sir.
BARKEEP
No. Yer money’s no good here. Ya can’t keep yer yammerin’ low ‘nough not to bother m’other customers. And ya reek of more booze than I got on tap, ya hear?
FRANCISCO
What you mean my money’s no good here? Don’t give me that poppycock. I beseech you as a client with well-earned pounds; not as your child –
(Rises and slams the counter.)
Nor some cuckold you can deride! If you treat me so I’ll kill you where you stand.
A beat. BARKEEP punches from behind the bar. FRANCISCO falls onto his back, hard, from the blow. BARKEEP goes around the counter and starts dragging FRANCISCO away from the bar.
BARKEEP
(Under his breath.)
Not a night passes wit’out these mongers stormin’ in m’pub –
FRANCISCO
Forgive me, forgive me. Please sir! It was my lady! Let me drink! One last drink before I end! Before it all ends!
FRANCISCO cries hysterically. BARKEEP drops FRANCISCO on the floor to let him speak.
BARKEEP
Oy, what ya blabberin’ ‘bout?
FRANCISCO
Forgive me for the outburst; my devil’s on parade, for my wife…
(Settles down a little, and props himself up on his elbows.)
My wife has let another into our chamber. Have mercy, and let a weary soul have one last drink and not be shoved out of another bar.
BARKEEP
By god, man.
(Sighs.)
Well get up then. Spare a moment and I’ll have ya toddy.
FRANCISCO
I can stay?
(Rises and gets back into seat at the bar.)
BARKEEP
Ya heard m’right. But be still, and yer trap shut.
FRANCISCO
Praise be to the almighty! Praise to you, sir! I promise you my gratuity extends beyond my words.
Exit BARKEEP. A beat. FRANCISCO gets bored, taps the counter, waves to other patrons, then puts his hat on. Enter BARKEEP.
FRANCISCO
Ah blessèd be you. Just what I need before I go off to visit my friend Miguel.
(Drinks.)
BARKEEP
Now listen a moment –
FRANCISCO
No need to speak barkeep. Your stare says more than a schoolhouse lecture. You fear I might return home and do the unspeakable out of drunken rage.
(Chugs a good amount of the drink, sets it down gently.)
Well you fear wrongly sir! I was set to do unspeakable acts before this fiery liquid scorched my gullet. This has merely allowed me to forgo my normal cowardice in regards to violence…and murder.
(Downs the rest of the drink, his hat falling to the floor in the process.)
BARKEEP
Now ya can’t be sayin’ such things and expect me not to –
FRANCISCO
What misfortune! What a cliché for a lover to come between friends. Or a friend between lovers’ sheets. I think that’s the problem. If ‘twas but a stranger, rather than him who…
(Notices the hat and picks it up.)
You know this was originally Miguel’s hat? He said that it suited me best and that he wouldn’t trust it with another.
(Smiles though on the verge of tears.)
Seems only fit I should kill him while wearing it.
(Puts on the hat.)
BARKEEP
Listen a moment! Not worth takin’ a life over some a hussy –
FRANCISCO
I believe ‘tis time for me to be on my way.
(Places all his money on the counter.)
As promised, fine pounds for a fine man.
BARKEEP
(Grabs Francisco’s arm across the bar.)
I won’t go cowerin’ wit’ m’tailed tied behind m’back while ya go do somethin’ vile!
FRANCISCO reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a gun, and points it at the BARKEEP. The BARKEEP lets go of FRANCISCO and cautiously backs away.
FRANCISCO
(Rises and points at his cash with the barrel of the gun.)
I say this in earnest: this is not a bribe. If you choose to alert the forces before I have chance to act, then so be it. But I will exact my vengeance in full tonight.
(Going.)
What a lovely night for an affair. For death. Only God shall decide if the winds fall in my favor on such a night.
(Exits.)
FADE OUT.
Taylor Rivers was raised in Vallejo, CA. He is currently working towards attaining a bachelor’s in Theatre Arts and plans on becoming an actor once he finishes college. Taylor’s work has also been featured in the spring 2017 issue of Palaver Arts Magazine. Taylor is drawn to depicting the darker aspects of life in his art, believing it makes the sweet aspects of life all the sweeter.