{"id":556,"date":"2017-05-01T00:00:54","date_gmt":"2017-05-01T07:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/?p=556"},"modified":"2023-06-28T17:58:00","modified_gmt":"2023-06-29T00:58:00","slug":"anitas-room","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2017\/anitas-room\/","title":{"rendered":"Anita\u2019s Room"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n  \n    \n\n\n\n\n\n\n<div\n  class=\"cc--component-container cc--article-hero \"\n\n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  >\n  <div class=\"c--component c--article-hero\"\n    \n      >\n\n    \n<div class=\"inner-wrapper\">\n  \n  \n  <div class=\"text-wrapper\">\n    \n              \n<div class=\"f--field f--page-title\">\n\n    \n  <h1>Anita\u2019s Room<\/h1>\n\n\n<\/div>\n    \n    \n          <strong class=\"author-field\"><span >By<\/span>Michael Savio<\/strong>\n    \n          <span class=\"post-date-field\">May 1, 2017<\/span>\n      <\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n  <\/div><\/div>\n\n  \n    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She was in a room with no color, only it wasn&#8217;t really a room since there were no walls and there was no ceiling and she wasn&#8217;t standing on a floor. And it\u2019s not that the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room didn&#8217;t have any color, but rather it was splattered and rolled and brushed with every color available to the human eye\u2014one layered on top of and between and inside of another, and so forth\u2014so no individual color could be distinguished, thus making the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room colorless. Anita was confused.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cConfused?\u201d Other Anita asked.<\/p>\n<p>Anita stared at Other Anita, who had just appeared before her, wrinkles and all. \u201cA little, yeah,\u201d she said. She glanced around the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room, noting that there was quite a bit of space here since there were no discernable corners or edges to it that would allow Anita to pinpoint exactly which dimension she was in. This gave the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room a quality such that it was both rather claustrophobic and surprisingly roomy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI suppose you\u2019re wondering why I\u2019m you and I\u2019m talking as you to you,\u201d Other Anita said.<\/p>\n<p>Anita was curious about quite a few things related to her current predicament, and although Other Anita\u2019s enigmatic existence was not first on her list of queries, she couldn\u2019t help but admit that she was indeed wondering just that. \u201cI am,\u201d Anita said, looking Other Anita up and down. \u201cAnd while we\u2019re on the subject, why are you naked?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re naked as well.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita looked down. \u201cSo I am. Why don&#8217;t I feel cold?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita laughed knowingly. \u201cThere is no temperature here. Would you like a jacket?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNah, I\u2019m alright,\u201d Anita said. \u201cYou sound just like me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy thank you. What a lovely compliment.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita took a step toward Other Anita, though because there was no floor, this turned out to be more challenging than she had anticipated.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTry not to use your body to move,\u201d Other Anita said. \u201cIt tends not to be very effective here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAlright,\u201d Anita said. After momentarily swinging her limbs to no avail, she decided to propel herself toward Other Anita without using her body.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDo you have any other questions?\u201d Other Anita asked. \u201cI\u2019m here to help.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita moved around the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room, glancing about in all different directions. She mused over the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room\u2019s source of light, considering how there was no light in the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room even though she could see as if there were light. \u201cI think it\u2019d be helpful to know just where the hell I am.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita pursed her lips, debating how best to articulate this. \u201cWell, you\u2019re not exactly anywhere. It\u2019s more complicated than that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLay it on me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita began to move alongside Anita without using her body. \u201cI hate to use this term since it\u2019s not quite right, but essentially you are\u2014what most people would consider\u2014dead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita thought about it for a moment and came to the conclusion that, based on everything she didn&#8217;t know about death, that this made sense. \u201cSo is this my afterlife?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTo use the term \u2018after\u2019 implies some sort of linear causality, so that\u2019s not quite right. In a sense, before you died, you existed in one of the many pre-life phases that most people consider \u2018life,\u2019 and now you are actually living\u2013although, I don\u2019t like to describe it that way because it\u2019s not quite right, but I expect you\u2019ll find it more comprehensible if I do use those terms.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat happens after this life then?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita scoffed. \u201cHow should I know?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita stopped moving, realizing there was no real reason to continue to move around the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room. \u201cSo what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita tilted her head slightly. \u201cI\u2019m a bit perplexed as to what you mean.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI mean, how did I get here? How\u2019d I die?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, they don\u2019t tell me such trivial details. All that matters is you\u2019re here and alive now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI guess so,\u201d Anita grumbled.<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita continued, \u201cYour latest pre-life period\u2014and, I must say, I hate to call it \u2018pre-life\u2019 because that isn\u2019t quite right\u2014was full of difficulties and challenging experiences, some good and some bad. But there won\u2019t be any of those in life, so no need to fret about that. Most find life to be much easier comparatively, though most also find it impossible to compare the two.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDid you say my \u2018latest\u2019 pre-life?\u201d Anita probed. \u201cAs in, I\u2019ve had others?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh indeed!\u201d Other Anita said sighing. \u201cDid you really think your last pre-life was all there was? How charming.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita shut her eyes tight, though even with her eyes closed she could see the room that wasn&#8217;t really a room, as well as Other Anita standing and smiling in front of her. She opened them again. \u201cAnd this is definitely real?\u201d she said, her words jumbling together. \u201cThis isn\u2019t just some dream I\u2019m having? I ate a pot brownie on accident once in my thirties, maybe this is an aftereffect of that\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt is not what you would call a dream,\u201d Other Anita interjected, \u201cbut it\u2019s also not what you would consider real. However, if it makes you feel better, then we can refer to it as reality.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAlright, let\u2019s do that then.\u201d Anita suddenly felt as if the vast openness of the room that wasn&#8217;t quite a room was suffocating her, but she realized the sensation she was feeling was not new, as she hadn\u2019t been breathing at all during her brief time in life. She relaxed at this discovery.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know this all must be a bit startling,\u201d Other Anita began, \u201cand I know you\u2019ve never been the type to muse over such frivolous matters as what occurs after\u2014what we may refer to as\u2014your \u2018death,\u2019 but I\u2019m sure it must be a pleasant revelation to know that nothing from your pre-life matters at all in life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita scrunched her face and considered this for a moment. The room that wasn&#8217;t really a room suddenly felt more spacious. \u201cI suppose you\u2019re right.\u201d She let out a deep breath without breathing. \u201cIt doesn&#8217;t seem like there\u2019s much to do here though.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, you can choose to do\u2014or be, for that matter\u2014anything you would like here. Life is an autonomous experience, so it\u2019s quite up to you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita raised her eyebrows. \u201cAnd there are no limitations to what I can choose?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNone that I can think of.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNow that\u2019s interesting,\u201d Anita said smiling. She decided to make her nose smaller and her breasts larger, so she did. Her nose shrank and the tip became more pronounced and symmetrical, and her breasts grew in circumference and situated themselves higher on her chest. She also decided to have her skin be smoother, her eyes bluer, her stomach slimmer, her legs more muscular, her toenails less impacted, her earlobes more attached, her belly button less of an outie and more of an innie, her hairline closer to the ground and her buttocks farther, and in terms of the cyst on her underarm she\u2019d been procrastinating getting taken care of, she decided to just remove it completely. She marveled at her body and felt that she looked beautiful. \u201cDo you want to change your body too?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita shrugged her shoulders. \u201cI\u2019m good for now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh no, Mom\u2019ll be so upset I never responded to her email about Christmas. Also that I\u2019ve died.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita chuckled. \u201cIt\u2019s cute you still care about those in pre-life. Most people don&#8217;t.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo when everyone else dies,\u201d Anita hesitated, \u201cas in my family and\u2014I guess not my friends, but all the others: will they live here too?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOf course! But not exactly,\u201d Other Anita said, grimacing. \u201cThe people\u2014and I know I\u2019ve used this term an awful lot already, but, I must say, I hate to say \u2018people\u2019 because that\u2019s not precisely what we call them here\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat do you call them then?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, we don\u2019t really have a word for them, as you\u2019ll learn soon enough. But anyway, those \u2018people\u2019 will not be joining you in life. Life is a solitary experience.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh,\u201d Anita muttered, furrowing her brow. \u201cBut then, where do\u2014or, how do they, well\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe others will enter life\u2014their own separate and wholly unique lives\u2014when they are ready to transition,\u201d Other Anita said, smiling the way you smile when you want to reassure a child that their concerns are simultaneously valid and unnecessary.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI see.\u201d Anita weighed each of her breasts in her hands. She then decided she wanted a heaping pile of her aunt\u2019s signature mac and cheese, the recipe for which she knew by heart, even though she wasn&#8217;t exactly hungry, but she wasn&#8217;t quite full either. So the mac and cheese appeared before her, hovering as if it were floating in midair but grounded as if it were on an invisible table. But it wasn&#8217;t quite right. Its texture was different, goopier and soggier than she remembered, and the color was different too\u2014it was much paler than the golden yellow she remembered it being as a child. And yet, perhaps this was right. Had the color always been this pale, as a result of her aunt using more parmesan than cheddar in her recipe? And most notably, Anita thought, why were the\u2026. Hmm. The curved, tube-shaped substances that mixed with the cheese\u2014what was the word for them?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThose are what you would call \u2018noodles,\u2019\u201d Other Anita told her, \u201calthough that\u2019s not quite right because\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy couldn&#8217;t I remember?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s to be expected. Your memory of your pre-life experience will begin to fade slowly as you grow accustomed to life. In fact, the process has already begun, which is why you don\u2019t remember your solo trip to Paris after college.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI went to Paris?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cExactly.\u201d Other Anita shrugged her shoulders and glanced downwards. \u201cI personally think it\u2019d be much more convenient if you didn&#8217;t have to carry over any memories from your pre-life, but I don\u2019t make the rules.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh yeah, that\u2019d be nice,\u201d Anita said. She decided to consume the mac and cheese even if it wasn&#8217;t quite the same as she remembered, so she consumed the mac and cheese without tasting or eating it.<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita clasped her hands together. \u201cWell, I must get going\u2014it seems that many others are going to die and be ready for life soon. This will be our last encounter, so do you have any last questions?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anita pondered for a moment. \u201cJust two: is there a God, and can I have sex with you? I\u2019m just curious about the second one.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAs I said before,\u201d Other Anita said smiling, \u201clife is an autonomous experience, so you may decide whether or not you\u2019d like a God. And as for your second question: I\u2019d advise against it, but I\u2019d be lying if I said it weren\u2019t possible.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAlright, well that\u2019s good to know.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other Anita smiled brightly. \u201cGoodbye, Anita. I do hope you find life to be a worthwhile endeavor.\u201d Other Anita left the room.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo long,\u201d Anita said without using her mouth.<\/p>\n<p>Anita quickly came to the realization that she did indeed have many more questions, though many were unimportant and some were downright silly. She wondered how she died, even though she knew she shouldn&#8217;t wonder about such inconsequential elements of her pre-life. She must have died relatively young since both her parents\u2014though they were now in their seventies\u2014were still pre-alive, and no one close to her had died yet besides both sets of her grandparents and her only childhood friend Charlie, who hanged himself in high school. But that was ages ago, she could only assume, since the linearity of time was beginning to deteriorate in her mind. She wondered if she committed suicide and, if so, how she went about doing it\u2014though she was never the type to dislike her pre-life so much that she would willingly end it. However, she could faintly recall falling asleep on her sofa bed in front of the television, and while she was unsure if this was her final memory or not, she decided it would just be easier to assume she died peacefully in her sleep (although part of her secretly hoped she was murdered).<\/p>\n<p>The expansiveness of the room was proving to be more daunting than she had previously noted, so she decided to habituate herself in a recreation of a mansion she once saw on a French reality television program. The foyer, however, was different; the mahogany railings around the staircase had a hue to them that didn&#8217;t belong to any particular color on the spectrum she had grown accustomed to in her latest pre-life, as if an electrical current ran through the wood and caused it to dimly glow, and the base of the chandelier was not at all smooth like she thought she remembered it but was instead jagged and fractured as if its glass components had been deconstructed and hastily put back together. She decided to own the finest clothes made of the finest linens and fabrics she could recall, the most lavish of gems and diamonds she could conjure in her dwindling memory, and the most delectable merlots and chocolates she ever recalled tasting. She wondered if Other Anita would also enjoy wearing all her luxurious clothes, marveling at her luxurious jewels, and consuming her luxurious delicacies. Anita assumed she most likely wouldn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n<p>There were certain things she had always wanted to see so she saw them. There were certain things she had always dreamed of tasting so she tasted them, certain smells she had always wanted to smell so she smelled them, certain sounds she had always wanted to hear so she heard them, and certain things she had never thought possible to feel that she felt. Anita decided she wanted to know all of Shakespeare\u2019s works by heart, so she did, and then she wanted to know everything about the English Renaissance, so she did that too. (She enjoyed knowing about all the great artists of the period, though she was still unsure exactly what qualified them as greats since the definition of greatness tends to vary greatly, so she decided to know why they were great.) Although she spent every day there in her most recent pre-life, the New York Public Library proved to have too many books for her to ever have time to read, so she decided to know all the words of every book she could recall filing. She decided that because she had so many other interests she could remember from her pre-life, it would just be easier if she knew everything there was to know, so she did that next, and once she knew everything she realized that some things she was better off not knowing.<\/p>\n<p>Anita decided to masturbate with her new masterfully composed body in her new master bedroom, though she grew tired of bringing herself to orgasm alone after the first couple hundred times, so she decided to have what she remembered of Johnny Depp make love to her, though she grew quite bored with her reconstruction of Johnny (as well as the other celebrities about whom she could remember having sexual fantasies) after the first few thousand times; she then realized she became rather bored of having sexual organs so she decided to rid herself of them, and after liberating herself of the burden of sexuality she realized she was growing quite uninterested with having a body, so she rid herself of that too only to come to the conclusion that it was quite impractical to possess a fine mansion with fine clothes and jewels and wines and chocolates without having a body to accompany them, so she disposed of all of those as well.<\/p>\n<p>Part of her felt guilty for still being so consumed with her pre-life and not living her life to its fullest potential, though her memory was fading at an increasingly exponential rate, which actually worked to help her adjust better to the incredible possibilities life had to offer. One after another each of her worries associated with her pre-life dissolved like canoes floating downstream and eventually absorbing into the horizon. Her anxieties over how she\u2019d pay her last year\u2019s rent, which nursing home she\u2019d place her mother in, who would now care for Duke, whether or not it was too late to have children, how it would feel to fall in love with someone, and what kind of an impression she would leave on the world all grew fainter and fainter until they no longer plagued her, and then her memory of the existence of her Long Island studio apartment, her Boston Terrier, her friend Charlie, her mother, her father, and all her former aspirations disappeared into the horizon as well.<\/p>\n<p>Anita ultimately grew tired of thinking in words or images because she didn\u2019t have much to think about anyway\u2014consciousness itself was beginning to grow tiresome, as it faded away much in the manner the details of a dream do when one wakes up, which was useful since it seemed more and more to matter less and less. She began to lose the ability to recall what sadness felt like, and then she forgot about fear or happiness or surprise or disgust. The room that wasn&#8217;t really a room became less foreign to her, and she grew comfortable occupying all of its space, none of its space, or occasionally just some of its space.<\/p>\n<p>The final thing she remembered was what it once felt like to be alone, and once she forgot that she had nothing left to remember. Finally free from all that had connected her to what came before her death, she began to live.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n  <\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n  \n    \n\n\n\n\n\n\n<div\n  class=\"cc--component-container cc--rich-text \"\n\n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  \n  >\n  <div class=\"c--component c--rich-text\"\n    \n      >\n\n    \n      \n<div class=\"f--field f--wysiwyg\">\n\n    \n  <p><strong>Michael Savio<\/strong> is an undergraduate student at the University of Southern California pursuing a degree in Narrative Studies. He is also a standup comedian and ice cream enthusiast who muses over the futility of life in his spare time. You can follow him on Twitter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n  <\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":288,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[52],"class_list":["post-556","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spring-2017","tag-prose"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Anita\u2019s Room<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2017\/anitas-room\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Anita\u2019s Room - 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