{"id":1883,"date":"2023-04-21T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-21T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/?p=1883"},"modified":"2023-06-28T17:56:51","modified_gmt":"2023-06-29T00:56:51","slug":"satisfying","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/","title":{"rendered":"Satisfying"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n \n \n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
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Satisfying<\/h1>\n\n\n<\/div>\n \n \n By<\/span>Maizy Zenger<\/strong>\n \n April 21, 2023<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n <\/div><\/div>\n\n \n \n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
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I\u2019m not built to be loved as an intact whole. I\u2019m bred to be eaten by others. To nourish. To drain and leave a torn seam that becomes a fashion statement. Buy me for $77! I\u2019m trendy. Once I go out of commission you\u2019ll never find another like me on the shelves of your local retail market. I\u2019m such an acquired taste yet you deign to purchase me anyways; I\u2019m created to pine and feel the conditional joy of desire. Too long to belong. To have my digits snapped off and eaten like sugar snap peas sweating in the dead of summer. Harvested from the vine or fresh from the plastic bag. Can your pampered taste buds even tell the difference? I can\u2019t tell by your noises. Are you choking or laughing? Is my warm blood scalding your throat? I run hot, that\u2019s all. The way you keep wolfing me down and begging for more through gritted teeth is confusing, that\u2019s all. You can see my life through a fish-eyed lens with every mouthful; see others experiencing but never owning. Symmetry through cinematography, artificially laid across the screen to a fictional viewer. Tell me at least, do my bones taste sweet? Is my marrow the flavor that you\u2019ve been craving? Does it taste so sickly sugary, lingering on your tongue like a forgotten word? Please tell me when it comes to you\u2014anything leaving your mouth and entering my ears is reminiscent of a poor man finding religion. Is sucking it out of my being like drinking ambrosia out of God\u2019s well? Do you care if it is? Is your God praising you now? Do you know the difference? Mummers farce or Shakespearean tragedy? Please snap another digit before you make your final decision. Chew a fingernail absently like cud until it is soft and pliable. Tear my hair and worm it between each gapped tooth with your tongue that can so aptly soothe my struggle to get away from you with a single absent word muttered so deliberately between licks. It\u2019s like candy floss if you think hard enough. Don\u2019t mind the burnt taste, I dyed my hair once more to try and feel whole again. Please please please take another helping of me. It\u2019ll give my life meaning if I brought you joy for even a moment. If I silenced the rumbling of your stomach, it would make the years of growing to this size mean something. I\u2019m bred for this just like the finest livestock. I even matured a little faster than the wild, untouched creatures of forgotten human memory. I\u2019m privileged and grass-fed, you won\u2019t taste the deviation. Don\u2019t worry, everything will grow back and you can keep harvesting to your heart\u2019s content. Oh, my heart? Don\u2019t worry about it, you already know I\u2019ve dressed it for you. Oh, the brain? You ate it for breakfast so you could learn a new way to see the world. Don\u2019t worry, it\u2019ll be back in the morning with something new to report. So how about it? Do I taste good? Do I finally satisfy you? Oh, it\u2019s okay. I\u2019ll regrow my liver tomorrow, you already had it today. I\u2019m sorry it wasn\u2019t pleasurable enough to remember. I\u2019m chained to a rock so I can\u2019t escape, so don\u2019t worry about my absence in the morning. I\u2019ll be waiting patiently for you. I could never leave you. I love you too much to deny myself this one joy. Oh, Love? Do I know how to love beyond knowing how to please? Regardless, I\u2019ll be waiting here untouched and perfect for you and only you. No no, those teeth marks are yours, never mind the missing canine tooth. What are you looking at me like that for? Go on, take another bite. It\u2019ll be like you were never here when you\u2019ve finished your meal, I know how you hate evidence. I\u2019ve worked so hard and cleaned up so diligently. So dutifully. My cells will regrow for the next. The skin you\u2019ll never stroke with an index finger to trace my moles scattered across my skin like black holes, threatening to swallow you whole and leave nothing but a wail that sounds like the trade winds that promise a different life offshore. A drunken tattoo you\u2019ll never redraw and lament upon my imperfections to disregard your own. I\u2019m too bitter, I\u2019m too quiet now, I\u2019m not kind anymore. You left me on the countertop to rot. I\u2019ll make you ill now\u2014I\u2019m sorry I\u2019m spoiled. I was nice and nice and compliant and totally at room temperature once. Now I\u2019m shallow and icy and I can\u2019t let anyone in\u2014my flesh doesn\u2019t permit teeth besides yours, I promise you. Just the thawing lap of sandpaper tongues to whittle me away. You\u2019ll never toy with the metal lodged through my skin. You\u2019ll complain that it makes me harder to digest. You will recoil and claim I\u2019m trying to trick and choke you\u2014press a bullet into your skull as you sleep. I already seem to try as you lay next to me, but I\u2019m not strong enough\u2014my strength to leave has fled my body with my lifeblood. And by the way, yesterday I\u2014<\/p>\n

Oh, are you done already? Do you want a napkin? Toothpick? Some of me is stuck in your teeth, that\u2019s all. I\u2018m sorry I mentioned it, you\u2019re perfect even with parts of me trickling down onto the dirty floor. The crimson highlights your beauty like the finest blush of dried roses gifted to you in praise, thorns intact. Oh, Love, okay, call me tomorrow. I\u2019m here to provide and only to please. I am yours after all. I promise I won\u2019t disappoint you tomorrow. I\u2019ll change the recipe. I won\u2019t disappoint you again. Come back tomorrow. Be here tomorrow.<\/p>\n

I want to be needed because I am not enough without sacrifice. I want to be needed. I want to sacrifice. I\u2019m not enough without it. Let me feed you. It\u2019s all I have anymore. Give me back this one thing.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n <\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n \n \n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

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Originally from Corpus Christi, Texas, and currently a first-year student at the University of Southern California in the School of Cinematic Arts studying Cinema and Media Studies with an intended double major in Game Design, Maizy Zenger<\/strong> has a strong interest in capturing the natural world within her visual art projects, with preferred media of macro photography and pen\/ink. In her free time, she also engages in creative writing, utilizing metaphor and imagery as central components of her pieces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n <\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":288,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[52],"class_list":["post-1883","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spring-2023","tag-prose"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSatisfying<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Satisfying - Palaver Arts Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Palaver Arts Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/palaver.arts.magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-04-21T07:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-06-29T00:56:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/175\/2023\/06\/palaver-logo.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"710\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"198\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"akcannon\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"akcannon\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/live-usc-dornsife.pantheonsite.io\/palaver\/#\/schema\/person\/8ac801b3c8176b6860207b43ecbe9e78\"},\"headline\":\"Satisfying\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-04-21T07:00:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-06-29T00:56:51+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/\"},\"wordCount\":1,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/live-usc-dornsife.pantheonsite.io\/palaver\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Prose\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Issue 13: Spring 2023\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/dornsife.usc.edu\/palaver\/spring-2023\/satisfying\/\",\"name\":\"Satisfying - 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